![\"Hearts](\"https:\/\/sissy-welt.de\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/05\/Herzen-Eine-Femboy-Geschichte.jpg\")
<\/p>\n<\/p>\n
I hadn't been able to get Jona out of my head since we first met.<\/p>\n
That was a bit inconvenient because my head was actually supposed to be busy with other things. Shopping. Working. Sleeping. Not constantly looking at my phone as soon as it vibrated. But since that day at the gaming flea market, my brain had decided to play Jona on repeat. His pink hoodie. His crooked smile. The way he nervously tugged at his sleeves. The kiss on the bridge, where Pixelbert, my new plush dragon, had heroically gotten in the way.<\/p>\n
Pixelbert was now sitting on my shelf next to the console, looking at me every evening as if to say, \u201eWell? Thinking of him again?\u201c<\/p>\n
Outrageous stuffed animal.<\/p>\n
Jona and I had been texting every day since then. Not always big news. Sometimes just a meme. Sometimes a screenshot from a game. Sometimes a \u201eare you awake?\u201c way too late at night, followed by conversations that were funny at first and then suddenly got soft. About insecurity. About clothes. About feeling strong sometimes and fragile other times. About that strange fear of being found cute as a femboy but not really taken seriously.<\/p>\n
With Jonah, I didn't have to explain everything.<\/p>\n
That was dangerously beautiful.<\/p>\n
On Friday, he wrote:<\/p>\n
\u201eSecond meeting? My place this time. Gaming, snacks, no flea market chaos. Maybe fewer plush dragons in the way.\u201c<\/strong><\/p>\n I stared at the news for a full minute.<\/p>\n Then I wrote:<\/p>\n \u201ePixelbert feels left out.\u201c<\/strong><\/p>\n Jona answered immediately:<\/p>\n \u201ePixelbert is invited. But he doesn't get a controller.\u201c<\/strong><\/p>\n So on Saturday I'll be standing in front of my mirror again.<\/p>\n This time it wasn't quite as bad as the first time. Not quite. Just medium bad. I still tried on three outfits, discarded two of them, stood in front of the mirror for too long from the left and right, and wondered if I looked too cute or not cute enough. In the end, I decided on a soft black hoodie with small white stars on the sleeves, shorts, dark tights, and my boots. I also wore the silver necklace that I had worn on our first meeting.<\/p>\n I looked at myself and thought, Okay. This is you. And he likes you like this.<\/p>\n This thought didn't make me any less nervous.<\/p>\n But warmer.<\/p>\n Of course, I packed Pixelbert in. Not because I was being silly. But for reasons of emotional continuity. Very serious.<\/p>\n Jona lived in a small apartment on the third floor. As I stood at his door, I heard soft music from inside. My heart was pounding, but not as frantically as the first time. More with anticipation. As if it had already gathered a bit of trust and wanted to test if it would hold.<\/p>\n I rang the bell.<\/p>\n The door opened.<\/p>\n Jona stood there in an oversized cream-colored sweater, black shorts, and striped socks. His hair was still a little damp, as if he had showered shortly before and then lost the battle against his hairstyle. In one hand, he held a controller.<\/p>\n \u201eI wanted to look cool,\u201c he said by way of greeting. \u201eThen I realized I was opening the door with a controller in my hand.\u201c<\/p>\n I smiled. \u201eVery charismatic.\u201c<\/p>\n \u201eThanks. I call the style: Gamer with dignity remaining.\u201c<\/p>\n \u201eBrave.\u201c<\/p>\n His gaze fell on my bag. \u201eIs he in there?\u201c<\/p>\n I lifted Pixelbert out.<\/p>\n Jona placed a hand on his heart. \u201eOur son.\u201c<\/p>\n \u201ePlease don't exaggerate.\u201c<\/p>\n \u201eOur dragon.\u201c<\/p>\n \u201eBetter.\u201c<\/p>\n He stepped aside. \u201eCome in. Both of you.\u201c<\/p>\n His apartment was just as I had imagined it. Not perfectly tidy, but cozy. A sofa with far too many cushions. A small desk with two monitors. Shelves full of games, figurines, and manga. A string of lights above the television. On the coffee table were bowls of chips, chocolate, and sour gummy worms. Next to them, two glasses and a bottle of soda.<\/p>\n On a pillow lay a small blanket with a star pattern.<\/p>\n \u201eYou've prepared,\u201c I said.<\/p>\n \u201eNo.\u201c<\/p>\n I looked at him.<\/p>\n He looked back.<\/p>\n \u201eA little bit,\u201c he admitted.<\/p>\n \u201eSweet.\u201c<\/p>\n Jona\u2019s face immediately turned red. \u201eYou can\u2019t just say that.\u201c<\/p>\n \u201eWhy not?\u201c<\/p>\n \u201eBecause then I forget how to stand normally.\u201c<\/p>\n He actually stood there a bit strangely, half in the hallway, half in the living room, as if he had to decide whether to be a host or fluffy chaos.<\/p>\n I took off my shoes and put Pixelbert on the sofa.<\/p>\n \u201eHe is watching us.\u201c<\/p>\n \u201eGood,\u201c said Jonah. \u201eThen we'll behave ourselves.\u201c<\/p>\n We kept that up for about seven minutes.<\/p>\n We started with a co-op game that was supposed to be \u201erelaxing.\u201c It had colorful landscapes, cute characters, and music that sounded like a peaceful Sunday afternoon. Within no time, we were both yelling at the TV because a digital platform moved before we were ready.<\/p>\n \u201eJump!\u201c shouted Jonah.<\/p>\n \u201eI'm jumping!\u201c<\/p>\n \u201eNot backward!\u201c<\/p>\n \u201eI'm panicking!\u201c<\/p>\n My character fell into the abyss.<\/p>\n Jona briefly put the controller on his lap and looked at me. \u201eI say this with love: You're a danger to any mission.\u201c<\/p>\n \u201eI am emotionally valuable.\u201c<\/p>\n \u201eThat's you.\u201c<\/p>\n He said it much too softly.<\/p>\n I quickly looked back at the screen.<\/p>\n My heart did that stupid little thing it always did when Jona suddenly made something real out of a joke. It stumbled. But it was beautiful.<\/p>\n After a few rounds, we found our rhythm. Not in the game. We remained mediocre at that. But with each other. We teased each other, laughed, blamed each other, and passed snacks back and forth without much thought. Eventually, we were sitting closer to each other than we were at the start. His shoulder touched mine. At first, it was accidental. Then, it wasn't accidental anymore.<\/p>\n Nobody said anything about it.<\/p>\n Sometimes the most beautiful things are those you don't immediately comment on.<\/p>\n After a particularly chaotic round where we both fell off the same bridge at the same time, Jona sank backward into the sofa cushions.<\/p>\n \u201eWe are bad.\u201c<\/p>\n \u201eWe are consistent,\u201c I said.<\/p>\n \u201eConsistently bad.\u201c<\/p>\n \u201eTeam Identity.\u201c<\/p>\n He turned his head to me and grinned. \u201eI like our team.\u201c<\/p>\n I held his gaze for a moment longer than I normally would have.<\/p>\n \u201eMe too.\u201c<\/p>\n The game menu flickered in the background. Pixelbert sat on the sofa next to us, as if he were passing a very stern judgment on our performance.<\/p>\n Jona reached for a rubber worm and held it out to me.<\/p>\n \u201ePeace offering.\u201c<\/p>\n \u201eFor what?\u201c<\/p>\n \u201eFor all future crashes.\u201c<\/p>\n I took the gummy worm. Our fingers touched. Briefly. Then again, because neither of us pulled our hands away right away.<\/p>\n Jona looked at our hands.<\/p>\n \u201eMay I?\u201c he asked softly.<\/p>\n I didn't know exactly what he meant. Or did I. Maybe he meant everything. Holding my hand. Coming closer. Not turning this moment into a joke again.<\/p>\n I nodded.<\/p>\n He took my hand.<\/p>\n Not dramatic. Not serious. Just warm. His fingers intertwined with mine, and suddenly the living room became even quieter. Not really. The TV was still making noise, a car drove by somewhere outside, and a door slammed shut in the hallway. But between us, it became quiet.<\/p>\n \u201eI was nervous this week,\u201c said Jonah.<\/p>\n \u201eAbout today?\u201c<\/p>\n \u201eYes.\u201c<\/p>\n I looked at him, surprised. \u201eYou invited them.\u201c<\/p>\n \u201eThat's exactly why.\u201c<\/p>\n He laughed quietly, but it didn't sound entirely like a joke. \u201eThe first time we met, I could still tell myself it was a coincidence. Flea market, coffee, all casual. But today... today I wanted you to come.\u201c<\/p>\n My heart melted.<\/p>\n \u201eI really wanted to come too,\u201c I said.<\/p>\n Jona looked at me. \u201eGood.\u201c<\/p>\n \u201eVery.\u201c<\/p>\n He squeezed my hand lightly. \u201eEven better.\u201c<\/p>\n I leaned back, without letting go of his hand. We didn't say anything for a while. I liked that. This silence that wasn't empty. Rather, it was full of things that didn't need words yet.<\/p>\n Then Jonah cleared his throat.<\/p>\n \u201eI have something.\u201c<\/p>\n \u201eA gift?\u201c<\/p>\n \u201eMaybe.\u201c<\/p>\n \u201eFor me or Pixelbert?\u201c<\/p>\n \u201eDifficult. You are very emotionally connected.\u201c<\/p>\n He stood up, walked to his shelf, and took something small out. When he returned, he was holding a tiny figure. A little pixel knight with a heart-shaped shield.<\/p>\n \u201eI saw him yesterday,\u201c he said, suddenly looking embarrassed. \u201eHe suits Pixelbert. Like a... companion.\u201c<\/p>\n I took the figure carefully.<\/p>\n She was really tiny. And painted a little crooked. And absolutely perfect.<\/p>\n \u201eHe has a heart shield,\u201c I said.<\/p>\n \u201eYes.\u201c Jonas pulled his sleeve over his hand. \u201eI thought Pixelbert needed someone to protect him.\u201c<\/p>\n I looked at the figure first, then at Jonah.<\/p>\n \u201eThat is unfairly cute.\u201c<\/p>\n \u201eI know.\u201c<\/p>\n \u201eYou planned that.\u201c<\/p>\n \u201eMaybe.\u201c<\/p>\n I placed the little pixel knight next to Pixelbert on the sofa. \u201eThen he is officially part of the crew now.\u201c<\/p>\n \u201eName?\u201c<\/p>\n We thought about it for far too long. Suggestions like \u201eSir Herzelot,\u201c \u201eKlaus von Liebe,\u201c and \u201eKnight Kisshold\u201c were rejected for various reasons. In the end, we decided on Sir Button.<\/p>\n \u201ePixelbert and Sir Button,\u201c Jona said contentedly. \u201eA strong team.\u201c<\/p>\n \u201eBetter than us in co-op.\u201c<\/p>\n \u201eClearly.\u201c<\/p>\n I looked at the two figures side by side. A plush dragon and a small knight with a heart shield. So silly. So unnecessary. So very us.<\/p>\n And then I realized I was happy.<\/p>\n Not loudly happy. Not perfect. But quiet and deep. As if something inside me had stopped defending itself for a moment.<\/p>\n Jona sat down next to me again. Closer this time. Our knees touched.<\/p>\n \u201eI'm really liking it here right now,\u201c I said.<\/p>\n \u201eHere on my messy sofa?\u201c<\/p>\n \u201eYes.\u201c<\/p>\n \u201eWith Pixelbert and Sir Button as supervisors?\u201c<\/p>\n \u201ePrecisely.\u201c<\/p>\n Jona smiled. Then his gaze became a little more serious. \u201eI like you here.\u201c<\/p>\n I looked at him.<\/p>\n He swallowed slightly. \u201eSo... not just here. But especially right now.\u201c<\/p>\n I wanted to make a joke. Really. It was on the tip of my tongue. Something about sofas, dragons, or bad flirting skills. But I couldn't bring myself to do it. Because the moment was too honest.<\/p>\n \u201eI like you too,\u201c I said.<\/p>\n Jona exhaled slowly, as if he'd been holding that sentence in for a while.<\/p>\n \u201eGood.\u201c<\/p>\n \u201eVery good,\u201c I said.<\/p>\n He laughed softly. Then he raised his free hand and very carefully brushed a strand of hair from my face. His fingers touched my forehead only lightly, but I felt a warmth spread to my ears.<\/p>\n \u201eOkay?\u201c he asked.<\/p>\n \u201eYes.\u201c<\/p>\n His gaze drifted to my lips.<\/p>\n I had to smile. \u201eYou're going to ask again soon, aren't you?\u201c<\/p>\n \u201eProbably.\u201c<\/p>\n \u201eYou may.\u201c<\/p>\n \u201eI haven't asked yet.\u201c<\/p>\n \u201eI answer efficiently.\u201c<\/p>\n Jona grinned. \u201eVery practical.\u201c<\/p>\n Then he kissed me.<\/p>\n It was different than the first time. Less surprising. Not less exciting, but more familiar. Gentle, warm, a little smiling. His hand held mine, his other carefully on my sleeve, and I felt his sweater under my fingers. No flea market, no bridge, no plush dragon between us. Just us on his sofa, in a room full of fairy lights, games, and far too many feelings.<\/p>\n As we pulled apart, Jona looked at me so softly that I almost didn't know what to do with myself.<\/p>\n \u201eHigh score?\u201c he asked quietly.<\/p>\n I snorted. \u201eYou're ruining the moment.\u201c<\/p>\n \u201eBut romantic.\u201c<\/p>\n \u201eA little.\u201c<\/p>\n \u201eSo, high score?\u201c<\/p>\n I pretended to think. \u201eNew personal best.\u201c<\/p>\n He threw his head back and smiled at the ceiling. \u201eI'll take it.\u201c<\/p>\n After that, we kept playing. At least, we tried. Our concentration was completely gone. I kept forgetting which button to press, Jona ran into digital walls, and once our characters just stood next to each other while we were both far too busy finding our hands on the sofa again.<\/p>\n \u201eWe'll never beat this level,\u201c I said.<\/p>\n \u201eMaybe that's not bad.\u201c<\/p>\n \u201eThat's very bad gamer mentality.\u201c<\/p>\n \u201eI just have other priorities.\u201c<\/p>\n Ich sah ihn an. \u201eSir Button ist entt\u00e4uscht.\u201c<\/p>\n \u201eSir Button versteht Liebe.\u201c<\/p>\n \u201ePixelbert nicht. Pixelbert will Effizienz.\u201c<\/p>\n \u201ePixelbert soll sich entspannen.\u201c<\/p>\n Wir lachten beide, und ich dachte, dass ich mich selten so leicht gef\u00fchlt hatte. Nicht, weil alle Unsicherheit weg war. Sie war noch da. Nat\u00fcrlich. Aber sie sa\u00df nicht mehr am Steuer. Sie durfte hinten mitfahren und ab und zu skeptische Kommentare machen, w\u00e4hrend mein Herz endlich mal die Route bestimmte.<\/p>\n Sp\u00e4ter kochten wir Nudeln. Oder besser gesagt: Wir versuchten es. Jona behauptete, er k\u00f6nne eine \u201elegend\u00e4re Tomatensauce\u201c machen, und ich glaubte ihm ungef\u00e4hr drei Minuten lang. Dann stellte sich heraus, dass seine Legende haupts\u00e4chlich aus passierten Tomaten, Knoblauchpulver und Optimismus bestand.<\/p>\n \u201eDas ist keine Sauce\u201c, sagte ich und r\u00fchrte im Topf.<\/p>\n \u201eDoch. Minimalistische Sauce.\u201c<\/p>\n \u201eSie schmeckt nach warmem Mut.\u201c<\/p>\n \u201eThank you.\u201c<\/p>\n \u201eDas war keine Auszeichnung.\u201c<\/p>\n \u201eIch nehme sie trotzdem.\u201c<\/p>\n Wir verbesserten die Sauce mit allem, was seine K\u00fcche hergab: Kr\u00e4uter, ein bisschen Chili, ein Rest Frischk\u00e4se, von dem er schwor, dass er noch gut war. Am Ende schmeckte es erstaunlich lecker. Vielleicht, weil wir Hunger hatten. Vielleicht, weil man Essen mehr mag, wenn man zusammen dar\u00fcber gelacht hat.<\/p>\n Wir a\u00dfen auf dem Sofa, weil sein Esstisch von \u201ewichtigen Dingen\u201c belegt war. Diese wichtigen Dinge waren ein offenes Paket, zwei Manga, ein Ladekabel und eine einzelne Socke.<\/p>\n \u201eDie Socke ist Teil eines Systems\u201c, erkl\u00e4rte Jona.<\/p>\n \u201eWelches System?\u201c<\/p>\n \u201eChaos mit Absicht.\u201c<\/p>\n \u201eOf course.\u201c<\/p>\n Nach dem Essen wurde es ruhiger. Die Konsole war aus, die Musik lief leise, und drau\u00dfen hatte es angefangen zu regnen. Nicht stark. Nur dieses sanfte Klopfen gegen die Fenster, das einen Raum automatisch gem\u00fctlicher macht.<\/p>\n Jona sa\u00df neben mir, die Beine angezogen, sein Pullover\u00e4rmel \u00fcber der Hand. Ich hatte Pixelbert auf dem Scho\u00df und Sir Button daneben gelegt.<\/p>\n \u201eDarf ich dir was Ehrliches sagen?\u201c, fragte er.<\/p>\n Ich sah ihn an. \u201eJa.\u201c<\/p>\n Er schaute kurz zum Fenster, dann wieder zu mir. \u201eIch hatte Angst, dass du mich nach dem ersten Treffen vielleicht doch nicht mehr so spannend findest.\u201c<\/p>\n \u201eWhy?\u201c<\/p>\n Er zuckte mit den Schultern. \u201eWeil online alles leichter ist. Und erste Treffen haben diesen Zauber. Manchmal ist das zweite Treffen der Moment, in dem man merkt, dass da doch nicht so viel ist.\u201c<\/p>\n Ich streichelte gedankenverloren Pixelberts Kopf.<\/p>\n \u201eIch hatte eher Angst, dass ich beim zweiten Treffen zu viel bin\u201c, sagte ich.<\/p>\n \u201eDu bist nicht zu viel.\u201c<\/p>\n \u201eDas sagst du schnell.\u201c<\/p>\n \u201eWeil ich es meine.\u201c<\/p>\n Ich sah ihn an. Und diesmal glaubte ich ihm ein bisschen mehr als beim ersten Mal.<\/p>\n \u201eDu bist auch nicht zu wenig\u201c, sagte ich leise.<\/p>\n Jona blinzelte.<\/p>\n \u201eFalls du das manchmal denkst.\u201c<\/p>\n Sein Blick wurde weicher. Fast verletzlich. \u201eManchmal.\u201c<\/p>\n \u201eDann denk es heute nicht.\u201c<\/p>\n Er l\u00e4chelte klein. \u201eOkay.\u201c<\/p>\n Ich r\u00fcckte n\u00e4her zu ihm und lehnte meinen Kopf an seine Schulter. Dieses Mal war es nicht testweise. Nicht vorsichtig als Fluchtoption. Ich blieb einfach dort.<\/p>\n Jona legte seinen Kopf leicht gegen meinen.<\/p>\n \u201eDas ist gut\u201c, murmelte er.<\/p>\n \u201eYes.\u201c<\/p>\n \u201eVery good.\u201c<\/p>\n Drau\u00dfen regnete es weiter. Die Lichterkette spiegelte sich im Fenster. Pixelbert und Sir Button lagen nebeneinander, als h\u00e4tten sie ihre eigene kleine Mission erf\u00fcllt. Und ich dachte, dass Liebe vielleicht nicht immer mit einem gro\u00dfen Bekenntnis beginnt. Vielleicht beginnt sie mit Wiedersehen. Mit der Entscheidung, nach dem ersten sch\u00f6nen Moment noch einmal aufzutauchen. Sich noch einmal zu zeigen. Nicht nur als Zauber des Anfangs, sondern als echter Mensch auf einem Sofa, mit schlechten Spielk\u00fcnsten, Tomatensauce aus Optimismus und einem Herzen, das langsam Vertrauen fasst.<\/p>\n Als ich sp\u00e4ter gehen musste, standen wir im Flur. Wieder dieser Moment, in dem keiner zuerst die T\u00fcr \u00f6ffnen wollte.<\/p>\n \u201eSchreibst du, wenn du zu Hause bist?\u201c, fragte Jona.<\/p>\n \u201eYes.\u201c<\/p>\n \u201ePixelbert auch?\u201c<\/p>\n \u201ePixelbert bleibt heute bei mir. Aber Sir Button kann ihm eine Nachricht diktieren.\u201c<\/p>\n Jona grinste. \u201eSehr gut.\u201c<\/p>\n Dann wurde er stiller. \u201eIch w\u00fcrde dich gern bald wiedersehen.\u201c<\/p>\n \u201eI love you too.\u201c<\/p>\n \u201eKein Vielleicht?\u201c<\/p>\n Ich l\u00e4chelte. \u201eKein Vielleicht.\u201c<\/p>\n Sein Gesicht hellte sich so sehr auf, dass ich kurz verga\u00df, dass Abschiede eigentlich traurig sein sollten.<\/p>\n Er k\u00fcsste mich noch einmal. Kurz, aber warm. Diesmal ohne Nervosit\u00e4t, die alles \u00fcbert\u00f6nte. Nur ein kleines Versprechen zwischen zwei Menschen, die noch nicht wussten, wohin es ging, aber beide Lust hatten, weiterzugehen.<\/p>\n Auf dem Heimweg hielt ich Pixelbert in meiner Tasche und den kleinen Sir Button in der Hand. Jona hatte darauf bestanden, dass Sir Button \u201ezur Eingew\u00f6hnung\u201c mit zu mir durfte. Ich hatte nicht widersprochen.<\/p>\n Zu Hause stellte ich beide auf mein Regal.<\/p>\n Pixelbert, der Drache.<\/p>\n Sir Button, der Ritter mit Herzschild.<\/p>\n Dann vibrierte mein Handy.<\/p>\n